Kickflip to concussion to cerebrospinal fluids out the nose to CAT scan out.

My legs while I wait on a stretcher in the Emergency Room at Cedar Sinai. They wheeled me away for a CAT scan.

Before the fall
I’d already started a different blog entry, with all kinds of updates about a cool new adjustment to the way I  break down tre flip practice, about getting out to skate on Thanksgiving and nailing a solid Practice Set 3.0 and then coming very close to a kickflip into frontside 50-50 and kickflip to manual before I had to go to Thanksgiving dinner. Was also working on manual to no comply out.

It was another longish, geeky entry about being stoked for future skate practice, and the minutia of observations and the battle of desire versus time.

All this gets eclipsed by the bigger, shittier skate news: massive concussion and trip to the Emergency Room.

The trick
As mentioned in my previous few posts, I was working my way up to landing a kickflip to frontside grind on the manual pad. I started landing these backside about a year ago, but never worked on frontside. For this frontside I was trying to go straight into it, from the side of the pad, not angling up. I came super close dozens of times, and felt I just needed more commitment. Below is a video of me coming close, from a few days before the fall, from Thanksgiving. The accident was the same trick attempt, same location.

You’ll see in the vid that I didn’t notch my front truck into the grind and so I slipped out of it fakie (but still rode away). Not beautiful. I wouldn’t be sharing it, but while I sit here 5 days after the concussion, still dizzy with some serious Doctors and Wife’s orders, I don’t think I’ll be getting a better version any time soon.

Above: Attempt at kickflip into 50-50. Didn’t notch the front trucks. It’s the best video I have of the trick that took me down. 

The fall
I was super stoked to skate on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. I was torn between practicing my new adjustments for an even more consistent tre flip, practicing backside 180s, frontside popshovit late flips, kicksflip into manual, or trying to get a video of the kickflip into fs 50-50. I was even thinking about working on a 270 fakie big spin into a tail slide, frontside or backside. So much inspiration! And yet, after the fall, I’m now so shaken that I’m not sure about what my future of skating will look like. There is a future…I write about it below, and will certainly keep my readers posted as I figure it out.

I skated from age 7 to 22 without hitting my head, and from 38 to 41 without hitting my head. Sort of ruled it out as an option. The day I was skating I was being super careful to not land on my sprained left wrist, to tuck and roll. Was even holding my hat in my left hand to avoid to reflex to fall on it. Perhaps this lack of brakes is what actually led to hitting my head. Maybe it saved a broken arm. I’ll never know.

It all happened faster than my reflexes. I flipped a perfect kickflip up onto the edge of the manny pad, but I didn’t notch either truck into the grind, and I landed squarely on the board. With no resistance of trucks on concrete, the board shot out from under me and I fell backwards super quickly, whiplashing my head into the pavement.

The other day, also before the fall, while skate commuting through Koreatown, I came across this wall ride spot. Two years ago I was the first one to actually put that little hole in the wall! I love seeing my mark and my skate spots all over town.

Cerebrospinal fluids out my nose
In a daze after the fall I was like, “Fuck!” I just wanted to undo it, like go back in time. I couldn’t believe I’d hit my head. I sat up, grateful that I hadn’t broken my neck, but also aware that a lot of pressure passed through it. I felt my limbs move and turned off the camera. I had been recording. Later, while still in a daze, I deleted footage of the fall. A friend of a friend just died in his sleep last month. He’d hit his head while skating and ignored the pain and while sleeping that night he was killed by internal bleeding. I just didn’t want to die and then have my embarrassing footage seen.

I almost got up and kept trying that trick, then thought about switching it back to tre flip practice instead. But my neck was killing me, my stomach felt sick, my limbs were starting to feel very weak, and I was starting to get tunnel vision. All of a sudden about a pint or more of fluids came pouring out my nose. Scared the shit out of me!

A return to constant stand-up comedy, if I lived, started seeming like a great option right about then. Skating has been my main love (and I’ve stopped earning a living as a professional touring stand-up comic) since I got back into skating a little over two years ago.

Those fluids kept coming and coming. Drenched my shirt and got all over the pavement. It was mostly clear fluid, a little cloudy and upon closer inspection and it seemed to have little crystals in it. My limbs started getting even weaker. Maybe it was adrenaline, I don’t know.

A pole jam! I’d love to skate over one of these! However, all skate spots are bringing up bittersweet sadness since this concussion.

The wife, the emergency room
I have to start abbreviating this story. Any reader of mine knows that my skating is always on the chopping block from my wife. I’ve had way too many injuries. A couple broken fingers, a broken toe, a fractured heal, a little broken bone in my foot, torn ligaments in my wrist. I’d already had 4 other ER visits and numerous other hospital follow-ups, in only 2 years. I didn’t want to tell my wife, but it would be obvious if I tried to cover it up, especially if I died. Spinal fluid out the nose is never a good thing.

So of course she was mad, but held most of her anger until about 10 hours later after the doctors released me.

They ruled out a skull fracture, though they weren’t sure why those fluids came out. It scared them, and so they kept me around for a bunch of other tests, and want me to go back in for a follow-up. They say I have a concussion.

The fallout
So now, like 5 days later, at least it’s been raining almost this whole time. Takes the pressure off my wanting to skate. I wouldn’t be able to skate anyway.

I’m still super light headed, I am dizzy and uncoordinated. I have a hard time sometimes keeping on track with what I’m saying. Forgetful. My neck kills, as does my trachea and skull. I just drove for the first time, only a few blocks, but I probably shouldn’t have driven. I won’t be driving again for awhile. I had a hard time with width perception.

I have a headache, but am not sure if it is from the fall or from my wife. She’s insisting that I stop skating permanently. If I do continue to skate, she’s insisting that I wear a helmet at all times. I am certain that I could ignore her request and just have arguments and be scolded and then she’d ignore and not talk to me for days on end. I’ve already been there before. At the same time, I don’t want to wear a helmet, but am also currently pretty amazed at how easy it was for me to fall like that and how lucky I am to not be paralyzed or worse. Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally macho, but there’s an element of fear there right now.

So presently, am not making any specific plans for what I’ll do. I just know that I can’t balance right now anyway, and that I can’t risk any more head trauma whatsoever on top of the current swelling – for supposedly a few months. But I’m sure I’ll skate commute without a helmet starting after I get my balance back.

As far as trick skating and pushing myself to learn: I just can’t imagine skating with a helmet. If I were pool skating that would be different. Yeah this is partially super ego. I’d feel like even more of a leper, and would probably only skate from like 2am to 3am to ensure that I was alone. I wouldn’t film it. I’d almost rather quit than fade away feeling like Corky.

A solution? My wife said she’d settle for me wearing an old fashioned football helmet, and then I could get laid again. Until I agree to wear a helmet skating I’m supposedly, “cut off!”

But then on the other hand, I love skating very much and don’t want to quit. I sort of imagine that I might wear a helmet alone – far far far alone, late late at night – but then I also imagine that I’ll forget the fear of it and I’ll start small again without the helmet. Or maybe I’ll wear the fucking helmet just to perfect tricks and that I’ll still take it off now and then if I want to film it. Like risk it.

Filming a tech trick in a helmet would be like having a raspberry filo dough flakey pastry and then covering it with neon yellow Kraft nacho cheese and spam.

But I don’t know. I just don’t see myself skating with a helmet on. Again, that’s an ego thing. It just seems too…ehhh. At the same time, I was coming very close to getting kickflips to manuals, and I’d like to keep working on that. And I’ve never done a blunt or a bluntslide, or a nollie heelflip. I don’t want to quit skating. So we’ll have to see what time does and how I feel as I move forward.  Maybe I’ll just wear the helmet when I’m pushing myself to learn, and when it is super safesville I won’t wear it.

I can’t even deal with this mental argument right now. I think only a life long skater could relate. Everyone else would say it’s a no brainer, just wear the helmet. But the skater in me would rather not wear the helmet.

To be continued. But there will be a medical hiatus regardless..